I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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