the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You may now shotgun with the bride
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize