I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
