just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize