some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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