Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
