I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
