Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
