im having a threesome with these popsicles
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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