wakey wakey hands off snakey
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize