Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
