He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
nutella sex= disaster
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
A+ Viking dick
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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