pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
