There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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