i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
