I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
All the doctor said was why
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
