He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
