5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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