I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
