even my farts smell like vagina
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
