I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize