The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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