it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
