Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
