The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
