i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
