It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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