i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize