it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
