Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
