idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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