i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
