I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
