sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
