unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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