we're chasing vodka with high fives
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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