So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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