So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
