You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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