I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
