im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
