first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
