Got a toothbrush?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
