There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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