Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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