Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize