Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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