You just made me feel so damn special
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
