Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
