On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
