Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize