He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Bring me that man meat
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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