so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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