im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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