I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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