About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
