How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize