would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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