You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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