i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
