please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
