Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
