I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We had to coat check the pizza.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
