I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
