why didn't you poke me back
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
