Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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