End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
