covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you traded sex for a burrito?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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