is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
where am i from again
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
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