A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
