no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
