You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
