this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
