Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
