just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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