I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I know her cup size but not her name....
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
