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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think I am morally bankrupt
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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