my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
