i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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