I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
