Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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