Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize