He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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