Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
