Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
