I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
