you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
