The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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