I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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