guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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