allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
