I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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