idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
