I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
