you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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