Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
