My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ketchup is God's man juice
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
