sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
