Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
