Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
