i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
