what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
